Image: Kelly Sikkema of Unsplash
In this article we will be exploring; self-care habits after a narcissistic break up, why you must embrace self-care when you are healing, and how you can learn to develop healthier boundaries moving forward in your relationships.
Remember, self-care is self-love.
When you have finally ended an unhealthy relationship you can feel pretty beat up. After months or years of emotional and mental abuse and living in survival mode, your body, mind, and spirit can be deeply depleted. This is why it is so important to make time for healing and rebuilding yourself emotionaly, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I know that life can be so busy and you put yourself on the back burner so many times putting other people’s needs above your own, but now is the time to prioritize yourself. And, don’t feel as though you are being selfish, you’re not. Your being self loving.
10 Self-Care Habits
- Pray and take time to read inspirational texts whether that is the bible or your favorite motivational speaker. Whatever material you choose make sure to give yourself at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted silence to really absorb the content that you are focusing on. According to Pew Research, many who are not affiliated with any specific religious denomination pray – 20% of them to be exact. And, “women are 64% more likely to pray than men who come in at 46%.” (1)
I know for myself, when I read a passage that really hits home it has a profound impact on my state of mind. They can really set your mind at ease or give you an important distinction that you needed to hear. - Volunteering is a gift you give yourself. The fastest way to stop feeling bad about the past is to be fully present and focused on others. And there is something so nourishing about volunteering and giving your time to something that you are passionate about, whether it’s volunteering at church, the dog shelter, or the local food pantry. Find something that you can really put your heart into and you will be amazed at how much it will fill your soul.
- Start to eat healthier and get regular exercise. If you have been in a long term relationship that was abusive than more than likely you have adrenal burnout or adrenal insufficiency from living in a perpetual state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney diseases says that Secondary adrenal insufficiency typically affects 150 to 280 people per million.(2)
You want to make sure to rebuild and fortify your body. I highly suggest taking some powerful adaptogens to support your body in rebuilding itself, as well as to integrate celtic sea salt or himalayan sea salt as they are packed full of minerals. And, start taking a high quality protein within an hour of waking up. The links I shared are two powerful products that I have used for over 15 years to help me to continually nourish my body.
Once you’ve started to put higher quality food in your body to fuel your new and improved self, now it’s time to get moving. Pick your pleasure whether it’s walking, biking, surfing, karate, or yoga. You just want to get your beautiful body moving. You want to build both your legs and lungs! The vision should be to embody divine radiant health. Let your body thrive at the highest level as God intended.
- You must make sleep one of your highest priorities. The body heals itself at night, so if you aren’t sleeping enough you are doing serious disservice to your body. There are certain self care habits you can embrace to support your sleep. Turn off all screens an hour before bed, get a sleep mask and make sure your bedroom is a safe haven that is beautiful, clean, and organized. Visual clutter causes stress to the body. According to The Sleep Foundation, they estimate that roughly 50 to 70 million(3) people suffer from insomnia, with women being 40% more likely than men to have the disorder.
Image by Jared Rice of unsplash - Meditate Learning to meditate might be the single greatest gift you ever give yourself. Learning to take the time to get silent and breathe deeply into your abdomen is one of the most calming experiences for the body. Yes, you’ll get lots of mind chatter when you first start, but you just have to start and then keep improving. It’s an incredible way to start the day.
I created a special meditation room in my home. Actually, it was just a large walk-in closet but because I had thrown away so much stuff when I moved (because I decided to become a minimalist), I didn’t have anything that needed to be stored in that closet, so I ended up with a bonus room! I have two soft velvet pillows, a meditation table with a buddha, some candles, incense and a sacred religious ornament that I brought back with me from my trip to Nepal when I did the Mt. Everest Base Camp trek. I highly recommend embracing meditation as a daily self-care activity. I know that you will feel a difference once you get the hang of it. - Get A Clear Vision of the Life You Want to Live
Once you have created that vision then break it down into clear, measurable goals and tasks. And make sure you put timelines in there as to when you want to accomplish them. The deadlines force you to continue to take action to achieve your goals. My ex-husband used to say “Christine you are AMAZING when you have a mission, and you flounder when you don’t.” It’s like what they say in the bible “without a vision, ye shall perish.” - Gratitude Journal A gratitude journal is one of the most powerful things you can do to help keep yourself grounded in grace. When we consciously focus on all the things we are grateful for, it keeps us from slipping into the lower states of depression for ‘what’s not in our life” whether that’s a lover, spouse, friend, or job that we enjoy. Feeling gratitude also keeps fear at bay, when you are grounded in the present moment with gratitude in your hear there is no room for fear to work it’s way into your mind.
- Create a New Positive Mantra I love creating simple mantras that I can say over and over again when I drop in to fear or doubt. With my current health challenge I created the mantra “Free, Free, Free at last” which for me means, free of pain, free of symptoms, and free of any cancer. Find something short and simple to say so that it rolls right off the tongue. And make sure it encapsulates exactly what you want to manifest.
- Make Sure You Stay Connected with Friends and Family
The people that love you want to be there for you when you are trying to rebuild yourself after a difficult time. I know that you may want to hibernate, that’s a pretty common thing after someone leaves an unhealthy situation, you just want to nest and be by yourself as you lick your wounds, but laughing and spending time with those you love is deeply healing and nourishing.
Image by Ross Parmly of unsplash
Image by Jared Rice of unsplash
- Plan a trip – Travel is always a good idea no matter what ails you. When you go to a new place, you organically get a whole new perspective. It gets you out of your daily routine or rut and fills you with a sense of newness and excitement.
Creating Healthy Boundaries- Learn to speak your truth and don’t be afraid to say “No”
- Demand respect in your communications with the people in your sphere of influence
- Learn to discern when you’ve been triggered and express your concerns to those who violate your boundaries
- Make time for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it
- Maintain your personal friendships outside the intimate relationship
- Communicate your spiritual / religious boundaries
- Learn to ask for time and space when you need it
- Learn to express your sexual needs and boundaries
Sources:
1. 5 facts about prayer by Michael Lipka
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2016/05/04/5-facts-about- prayer/#:~:text=Even%20among%20those%20who%20are,41%25).
2. Definition & Facts of Adrenal Insufficiency & Addison’s Disease
https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/endocrine-diseases/adrenal-insufficiency-addisons-disease/definition-facts
3. Sleep Statistics by Eric Suni and Kimberly Truong
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/sleep-facts-statistics#:~:text=76%25%20of%20U.S.%20adults%20with,to%20a%20SleepFoundation.org%20survey.&text=32%25%20of%20people%20snore%2C%20according,men%20and%2028%25%20of%20women
